Blah! My internal battery needs to be recharged badly.
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silent this side
何とかなれ
14 May 2012 @ 11:09 pm
I'm still hanging out at Claudia's house since Saturday night. I mean, it's fun and everything. At least I have someone to talk to and hang out with.
But I talked to Chu last night and he said that he really wished I was there back in Jersey and that he and his dad had a fight. Apparently, his dad is pissed off at Chu for chilling out 10 days after he graduated and didn't get a job. Now, this guy is really anti social and yet he apparently wants a good reputation. He wants people to look at him and think, "Oh, I don't know who this guy is, but his son must be successful! Therefore, he deserves a good reputation!" ... Okay? I don't know. And then his dad accused Chu of goofing off during college when it was the complete opposite.
And normally Chu would be like, "yeah, yeah, yeah" but this time he back talked. And even I was surprised, but I'm glad. We had a good talk last night but ever since Chu and I became official over Facebook, he's talking like he wants to take another break. And I know that's not what he wants.
I don't know. I know his friend Andrea hopefully changed her mind when she told me she thought that we're just not good together and not meant to be but when it first changed, it just said that I was in a relationship and she had liked it. Maybe it's just because it's late and everything but I think she talked to him when he went out tonight. He didn't sound like himself and I know he wouldn't joke about anything serious as our feelings for one another unless someone talked to him.
Maybe I'm being paranoid again. I don't know... I sort of feel, though, this is going to be like the first summer - when I hung out with McKenna and I lost my damn mind and severely severed my friendship with her. I get the feeling it may happen like that again. Maybe not in the same way (hopefully). I don't know.
And he said that everything right now is beyond our control and that's the first time I ever heard him say it. I don't know. I have faith. Claudia tells me to keep faith (something McKenna never really told me). Everyone tells me to keep faith but... my head is keeping me worried. It's like my head (subconscious?) is trying to prevent me from my hopes from going too high, lest something happens.
I think after telling my dad that the rent's higher ($400 instead of the usual $200 since Chu left), I'm starting to get worried that my fear is coming: my dad is about to abandon me. I think my paranoia is just spilling onto Chu because of it. I don't know. I'm scared.
But I talked to Chu last night and he said that he really wished I was there back in Jersey and that he and his dad had a fight. Apparently, his dad is pissed off at Chu for chilling out 10 days after he graduated and didn't get a job. Now, this guy is really anti social and yet he apparently wants a good reputation. He wants people to look at him and think, "Oh, I don't know who this guy is, but his son must be successful! Therefore, he deserves a good reputation!" ... Okay? I don't know. And then his dad accused Chu of goofing off during college when it was the complete opposite.
And normally Chu would be like, "yeah, yeah, yeah" but this time he back talked. And even I was surprised, but I'm glad. We had a good talk last night but ever since Chu and I became official over Facebook, he's talking like he wants to take another break. And I know that's not what he wants.
I don't know. I know his friend Andrea hopefully changed her mind when she told me she thought that we're just not good together and not meant to be but when it first changed, it just said that I was in a relationship and she had liked it. Maybe it's just because it's late and everything but I think she talked to him when he went out tonight. He didn't sound like himself and I know he wouldn't joke about anything serious as our feelings for one another unless someone talked to him.
Maybe I'm being paranoid again. I don't know... I sort of feel, though, this is going to be like the first summer - when I hung out with McKenna and I lost my damn mind and severely severed my friendship with her. I get the feeling it may happen like that again. Maybe not in the same way (hopefully). I don't know.
And he said that everything right now is beyond our control and that's the first time I ever heard him say it. I don't know. I have faith. Claudia tells me to keep faith (something McKenna never really told me). Everyone tells me to keep faith but... my head is keeping me worried. It's like my head (subconscious?) is trying to prevent me from my hopes from going too high, lest something happens.
I think after telling my dad that the rent's higher ($400 instead of the usual $200 since Chu left), I'm starting to get worried that my fear is coming: my dad is about to abandon me. I think my paranoia is just spilling onto Chu because of it. I don't know. I'm scared.
Current Mood: 
thoughtful
thoughtful14 May 2012 @ 05:22 pm
I want an energy drink hot tea. Like, a hot tea with the super amounts of caffeine plus all of that other nonsense energy drinks tote around. Like, a hot tea version of Red Bull or Monster or whatever. I want one. Actually, a whole box would be nice.
In related news, we have moved. We are in the new place. We live here now.
I would not say the move went "well" and I would not say we are "happy" in the new place...
I am, at this stage, mostly trying very very hard not to throw up my hands up in the air, scream "everything is terrible", and curl into a ball crying. Very hard.
There's a little light in my chest that says "it'll get better" and "this sort of bullshit is normal" and things like that. And I just hope it'll keep burning long enough to be proven right.
Either that, or it will be crushed by the impending darkness that somehow everything got terribly fucked up.
We'll see.
In related news, we have moved. We are in the new place. We live here now.
I would not say the move went "well" and I would not say we are "happy" in the new place...
I am, at this stage, mostly trying very very hard not to throw up my hands up in the air, scream "everything is terrible", and curl into a ball crying. Very hard.
There's a little light in my chest that says "it'll get better" and "this sort of bullshit is normal" and things like that. And I just hope it'll keep burning long enough to be proven right.
Either that, or it will be crushed by the impending darkness that somehow everything got terribly fucked up.
We'll see.
13 May 2012 @ 09:30 pm
Marathoning "Avatar: The Last Airbender" again. :D this time, with Claudia~! And then hopefully we can watch Korra! I haven't seen the new episode yet and I really want to.
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13 May 2012 @ 03:33 am
FINALLY AFTER THREE YEARS, MISSHIN COMPREET
lol meant to post this earlier but I just got back a few hours ago and then stuff, also hi, I have to post later about stuff, sorry new friends, HI. I MEANT TO MAKE A WELCOME ENTRY EARLIER BUT MY GIRLFRIEND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY LEAVING MY LAPTOP UNGUARDED AND MADE AN ENTRY--BUT I WILL HAVE A PROPER ONE SOON.
UNRELATED BUT POSTING IN CASE I FORGET TO POST LATER, MY THREAD ON THE ANON LOVE MEME.
Current Mood: 
energetic
energetic12 May 2012 @ 09:40 pm
Finally I get to see the second YG Family Special. :T
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11 May 2012 @ 11:04 pm
I couldn't really sleep last night. I kept coughing and plus I'm so used to sleeping next to him. Anyway I found out from Chu that his brother asked their father if I could go back to New Jersey. Of course, predictably, his father said no. I was honestly taken aback by it because as I've mentioned many times before, his family can be buttholes. Naturally, it's not because he wants his brother to be happy (although I do want to believe that anyway) but because he had a good time hanging out with me and I'm apparently his good luck charm for fishing.
And then Chu finally answered the question of when his dad was leaving for China cause I was mostly trying to start conversation. I'm just saying that his dad's leaving next week. *shrugs* But Chu is going to meet his nephew when Peanut, Jay's wife, brings him from DC to Jersey for a month. I don't think Chu's looking forward to that.
Anyway, still no word from THQ. Maybe they'll get back to him on Monday. I didn't go to UAT today because I felt extremely weak. I checked my weight again and I'm at 150lbs. However, I am planning to go. I need to write my Strapya Weekly. My email has been really piling up so I have to go through it to see what Strapya stuff they have in store.
I'm also apparently going to hang out with Tiffany and the girls for tomorrow as a birthday party thing. No word on who's going to pick me up so I don't know what the hell the plan is. We'll see what happens tomorrow. :3
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10 May 2012 @ 10:00 pm
So Chu left this morning. It was weird though because on the way, two of the entrances were blocked because they decided to do construction and not only was his flight delayed but they outright were forced to change planes. He made it to Jersey safe and apparently he waited an extra hour because his brother literally just left when he arrived so we talked. It feels like he's only going to be gone as usual.
Also this morning, he got a job offer to be a game tester here in Phoenix. It's contractual work and it would last for only a year. He's not satisfied but I convinced him (or rather steered him in that direction) that while game testers are the lowest of the low and the company is starting to go under (but what company that isn't a big name company) - that would be experience he would desperately need to make it in the game industry. He applied but I don't think he got any word yet.
I told Chu that I love him. He didn't say anything to me but smiled at me and nodded his head. I don't know what that means... But at least he knows my real feelings - nothing watered down. We had a talk last night. He said he's sad we're not going to be together for the summer but he's not worried. He has faith in me, him, and us. He knows I'm extremely loyal to him and I can say I'm secured enough to mean that I know he's loyal to me. We're going to attempt to have a long-distance relationship but it's going to be harder because I don't have a working laptop. Just an iPad.
Honestly, I'm a little scared. My intuition and everything never faltered. Even though it's clear that he's gone, my everything (but my brain obviously) tells me he's going to stay. I even prayed and I was told to be patient but I feel like I can't be. Obviously, I'm going to have to.
As for my health, it was really, extremely hot last night (especially since Chu and I talked about everything from politics to that potential Avengers sitcom AU and held hands from when we went to bed till it was time to wake up) and I felt really anxious. I threw up again as a result of it. I haven't eaten anything all day because I was scared I was going to throw it out. But after this entry, I'll probably move to the living room if the roommates aren't there. And speaking of which, my roommate gave me some leftover penicillin from when her boyfriend got sick with Mono... A year ago. She apparently recently used it for her toothache but ahh I don't trust year old medication.
Right now, my plan is to get up, go to UAT, spend some time online on an actual computer, and then come home in the afternoon and... pretty much stay in, eat, and watch tv until I go to bed. And this will be the new schedule everyday until I get a job. And I mean what I say: I want to spend my first paycheck on a new laptop and I want to go New York for Christmas with that very special man that I hold so dear to my heart - and I know he feels the same way about me.
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worried08 May 2012 @ 11:14 pm
Instead, I thought that Chu was leaving on Friday but it turns out that he's leaving on Thursday. If he's going to stay, then he better tell me tomorrow. Everything in my intuition is telling me that he is but my brain is starting to doubt that seriously. He's devoted to his family but I know he doesn't want to go. Argh. I don't know. My heart, soul, and bones and even my woman's intuition is telling me so but who do I believe? I'm sorry... I'll stop talking about it. I'm sure I sound crazy right now lol like I usually do...
Anyway my throat is feeling better. I still have a lot of coughing left to do and I can't really talk that well but at least I can eat. It doesn't hurt when I swallow. And I checked the scale... I lost 8lbs during my sickness. I was originally 159 but now I'm 151. I mean, I was eating literally half of what I usually ate. Maybe that was all I needed? I'm still getting my nutrients (Chu made sure) I'm just not eating as much.
Also, Chu and I saw the Avengers the second time tonight. :D A lot of fun~! Last time we saw it in 3D but this time we saw in 2D. I never thought I would be a huge Captain America fan girl. I mean, I was always interested in him before but I wasn't sure... I don't know. I was always used to hearing about how patriotic some character is until he betrays his country and I thought Captain America was the same. But from what I've seen in the movies... I can say I'm swayed by him. And yes, Chris Evans's hot body did help... A little. (⌒-⌒; )
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07 May 2012 @ 07:42 pm
Sigh. Things will be okay, right? Just gotta continue to have faith and try not to dwell on it.
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07 May 2012 @ 01:24 pm
I know this community is somewhat defunct, but I thought there might still be people around who are interested in some of this.
Posters are in excellent to very good condition; any substantial damage will be noted. Shipping is additional. Calendars and laminated poster will have to be shipped in a poster roll, but if you want I can fold the Daishi poster and put it in an envelope. I am willing to negotiate on prices for people buying more than one poster at a time. Thank you!
Posters of more bands this way: http://jrockforsale.livejournal.com/744
( Calendars and posters )
Posters are in excellent to very good condition; any substantial damage will be noted. Shipping is additional. Calendars and laminated poster will have to be shipped in a poster roll, but if you want I can fold the Daishi poster and put it in an envelope. I am willing to negotiate on prices for people buying more than one poster at a time. Thank you!
Posters of more bands this way: http://jrockforsale.livejournal.com/744
( Calendars and posters )
Current Mood: 
cheerful
cheerful06 May 2012 @ 11:08 pm
All I need to do is get rid of all this excess mucus and a miracle for Chu to stay. I'm tired of people leaving me or me leaving them.
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05 May 2012 @ 11:11 pm
excited04 May 2012 @ 07:46 pm
I really can't wait till Chu and I watch the Avengers tomorrow. ♥
Current Mood: 
crappy
crappy04 May 2012 @ 08:55 am
Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day. And a lot of the internet are hardcore preaching "leave some for the kids" (one of many examples). And it's something I sort of think is a good idea, you know, getting comics in the hands of kids and all. (Despite the fact that if that was really the goal maybe they should just distribute them at schools...)
The Thing is, there is A LOT of good shit this year. Free Comic Book Day has proven before it's a great way to get interested in new titles, especially ones that might not be as mainstream. In years past, there's been maybe three titles from Free Comic Book Day that I had any care for. This year, that's changed. There's a bunch. But leave some for the kids and all...
But then I had the thought - digital comics are all the rage right now. Or at least, everyone is spending a lot of time raging about digital comics. (They're too easy to pirate, they're taking away from store sales, etcetc.) But Free Comic Book Day is... free, right? (I realize it costs the sponsors money, but that's what sponsors are for.) So my question is why are the Free Comic Book Day titles, not also available digitally? The distributing costs are exponentially cheaper than hard-copy printing and shipping them to all those stores. Those of us who want to read them, a lot of them, to learn about titles we're formerly unfamiliar with - could. And it would leave the pick-up-at-the-store copies "for the children".
The Thing is, there is A LOT of good shit this year. Free Comic Book Day has proven before it's a great way to get interested in new titles, especially ones that might not be as mainstream. In years past, there's been maybe three titles from Free Comic Book Day that I had any care for. This year, that's changed. There's a bunch. But leave some for the kids and all...
But then I had the thought - digital comics are all the rage right now. Or at least, everyone is spending a lot of time raging about digital comics. (They're too easy to pirate, they're taking away from store sales, etcetc.) But Free Comic Book Day is... free, right? (I realize it costs the sponsors money, but that's what sponsors are for.) So my question is why are the Free Comic Book Day titles, not also available digitally? The distributing costs are exponentially cheaper than hard-copy printing and shipping them to all those stores. Those of us who want to read them, a lot of them, to learn about titles we're formerly unfamiliar with - could. And it would leave the pick-up-at-the-store copies "for the children".
03 May 2012 @ 09:53 pm
My throat feels a lot better because Chu made me something with garlic last night. But... I'm still not quite ready to eat normally yet.
Also, tonight is the Avengers premiere and I really want to go with Chu. ;A; Either way, at least I'm getting better and better.
Also, tonight is the Avengers premiere and I really want to go with Chu. ;A; Either way, at least I'm getting better and better.
Current Mood: crappy
crappy03 May 2012 @ 03:23 pm
My mom pointed out that my face has gotten skinnier lately
i haven't noticed this until she said that
yay! i'm not longer the round chubby cheeks girl :D
i have no idea how this happened though =_=
i guess it comes along with my weight loss
or maybe it's just the natural process of aging =_=
either way, i like it
my face got skinnier but it's still pretty round
haha my chinky eyes will forever add to the roundness ^^;;
03 May 2012 @ 04:21 pm
You'd better hope and pray
That you make it safe
Back to your own world
You'd better hope and pray
That you'll wake one day
In your own world
'Cause when you sleep at night
They don't hear your cries
In your own world
Only time will tell
If you can break the spell
Back in your own world
~Shakespear's Sisters
I was in a library in a dream last night, and was perusing books. The door opened, and Xelloss walked in. What did I do?
I pretended he wasn't there, that he was only an illusion, that he wasn't real.
I know he was observing me, and I kept waiting to hear his voice, but I knew I wouldn't because I was shutting him out.
What. The. Fuck, brain?!
At least the dream was full of evil hauntings (library was full of it) but I don't understand why I wasn't facing Xelloss. Especially when I'd welcome him normally. It's worrying, and I hope it was just a dream.
I would never spurn Xelloss. Ever.
That you make it safe
Back to your own world
You'd better hope and pray
That you'll wake one day
In your own world
'Cause when you sleep at night
They don't hear your cries
In your own world
Only time will tell
If you can break the spell
Back in your own world
~Shakespear's Sisters
I was in a library in a dream last night, and was perusing books. The door opened, and Xelloss walked in. What did I do?
I pretended he wasn't there, that he was only an illusion, that he wasn't real.
I know he was observing me, and I kept waiting to hear his voice, but I knew I wouldn't because I was shutting him out.
What. The. Fuck, brain?!
At least the dream was full of evil hauntings (library was full of it) but I don't understand why I wasn't facing Xelloss. Especially when I'd welcome him normally. It's worrying, and I hope it was just a dream.
I would never spurn Xelloss. Ever.
Current Mood: 
frustrated
frustrated03 May 2012 @ 01:50 am
it's when you're within the weight range you're suppose to be
that's when it's hard to lose more weight
i'm 5'0" and i weight around 98 lbs
but i'm aiming for 90 lbs. a bit of a stretch but i really want to hit it
i'm ok with my stomach size but i would like to be skinnier
though my thighs are the biggest problem
i'm not born with thin thighs so imma have to fix that
it's not that i'm unhappy about my weight
but that i want to push myself to finally have that skinny asian body
(skinny for asians isn't the same as skinny for american.
i think the definition for asians to be skinny is skinnier than the american definition
some don't like the asian skinny. because they do tend to get a bit extreme)
that's when it's hard to lose more weight
i'm 5'0" and i weight around 98 lbs
but i'm aiming for 90 lbs. a bit of a stretch but i really want to hit it
i'm ok with my stomach size but i would like to be skinnier
though my thighs are the biggest problem
i'm not born with thin thighs so imma have to fix that
it's not that i'm unhappy about my weight
but that i want to push myself to finally have that skinny asian body
(skinny for asians isn't the same as skinny for american.
i think the definition for asians to be skinny is skinnier than the american definition
some don't like the asian skinny. because they do tend to get a bit extreme)
02 May 2012 @ 07:16 pm
I decided to go to school today. Well, I'm making it sound like I have a choice anymore now that finals are coming up. But I had to wear a face mask because I don't thin people would appreciate me coughing on them.
Honestly I don't remember much because right now I'm in between naps. I used so much energy that I need to sleep the afternoon away to attempt to get it back but it's not like anyone missed me or anything.
But I'm going back to sleep. Just thought I'd update LJ before I forget.
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